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Dating Tips Advice Column:
Opposites Attract - is that Good
or Bad?
Dear Dating Tips,
I've been doing the online dating thing for
about a year with mixed results. Recently I met this
guy and we really hit it off. But the thing is that we
seem to be opposites in many ways. Yet we are highly
attracted to each other. Any advice on the subject of
opposites? ~
Opposite Attraction
Dear Opposite Attraction,
The saying "opposites attract" is definitely true in
some instances. Perhaps it's the diversity of difference
that creates the initial attraction - the other person
has things (traits, etc.) that you don't and vice versa.
Some people find the difference exciting.
The way you are opposites and the way you communicate
as opposites is the key as to whether you can build
a successful foundation with each other. Let's examine
an extreme situation:
You're a republican - he's a democrat.
You're a vegetarian - he's a meat eater.
You hate horror movies - he absolutely loves horror
movies.
You love romantic movies - he can't stand romantic
movies.
You're an extrovert - he's an introvert.
In the short term, you may be able to work around these
issues, but what about the long term? When you want to
go to a party with him and he doesn't want to go, how
will you feel going alone? When a romantic movie comes
out that you want to see opening day in the theater and
he wants to see "Freddy 12: A Murderer Has a Dozen Lives"
instead, what will you do? Go alone? Split up to see
different films?
There can definitely be long term consequences when
a person is a strong opposite of you. Yet, the way
you communicate with each other is the key as
to how your relationship will work. Look at Arnold
Schwartzenegger. He's a republican (and now governor
of California). His wife is a democrat with ties to
the democratic Kennedy clan. Yet they appear to
be very happily married and she fully supported his
campaign to be Governor of California.
Stubbornness in a relationship where opposites attract
will bring about disastrous results. Being open and
open-minded, with a strong ability from both people
to compromise, can create an environment of security
and contentment amongst
opposites.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
1) Can you live with the differences or would you
rather share your time with someone who likes and wants
similar things that you do?
2) What is the foundation of your relationship based
on?
3) Does being opposite create conflicts in your relationship?
4) What is it about the differences that you find
exciting and stimulating?
5) Are you both great communicators with the ability
to compromise?
6) Do you find that being opposites help compliment
the relationship versus bringing conflict?
Being opposites can work if they are complimentary
to the relationship and both people are open-minded
with the ability to compromise when needed. Not having
those abilities could create potential conflict leading
to a bitter breakup. You need to analyze which category
your relationship falls into. Good luck! ~
The Dating Tipster
P.S. If you are in a healthy relationship where the
person is opposite of you, be sure to remind him
once in awhile of the things you appreciate about
him! Hopefully this is reciprocated.
> Try Perfectmatch.com - The Best Approach to Finding the Right Person for You.
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