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Dating Tips Advice Column:
Want to be More Than Friends
Dear Dating Tips,
I made a mistake, I think.
I met a guy off the Internet that is very different
than me. I told him I that I think he is a nice guy,
glad I met him, but that I don't think we are the best
match before I met him for the second time.
Why? I've had many guys get too touch feely and close
to me the second time and didn't want this one to do
the same. We had a great time anyways and he said the
friend thing was fine with him. Both times we met while
he was with his friends, so it sort of has been like
friends anyways. I didn't say that I just wanted to
be friends, just that I didn't think we were the best
match and didn't want to lead him on, but still wanted
to see him.
I guess my head was thinking and was a little nervous,
but now my heart is saying something else. I thought
I just wanted to be friends, but now I like him even
though we are so different, at least for now. We do
have things in common and he is a great guy, enough
so to overlook his flaws.
I've showed interest and he has too, despite of what
I said. Is flirting enough with him or should I say
something? I feel bad about what I said, but it was
the nicest way I could of said it. I hope he doesn't
think I prejudged him; it was only because of obvious
reasons. I learned opposites can attract sometimes.
I worry a lot and would like to know what you think
I should do. I'm new at dating. Divorced for three
years after an eight year relationship and I'm soon
to be 29.
I don't mind having him as a boyfriend for a while
and see where it goes. What do you suggest? ~
Wanting More
Dear Wanting More,
Because you initially put limitations on the relationship,
the ball is in your court. If you really feel strong
that you want to pursue something more than friends
then you need to tell him. From what you said, it sounds
like he'd be receptive to the idea.
Tens of thousands of people have experienced a situation
where they initially wanted to just be friends, but
then
developed feelings during that friendship. Having started
as friends, you had the opportunity to get to know
him more on a different level, that didn't rush into
"intimacy". Intimacy too soon can ruin relationships
because a lot of getting to know the other person is
skipped over too quick. You set boundaries and now
that you know him better, it sounds like you want to
remove those boundaries. Don't be afraid to tell him
so.
You also mentioned that there are many different things
about the two of you that made you initially hesitant.
Be sure to read my column on opposites
attract.
Best of luck to you! ~
The Dating Tipster
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