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Dating Tips Advice Column:
What's the Best Way for Dealing With the Pain of a Breakup and Getting Over an Ex?

Dear Dating Tips,
It has been four months since my boyfriend and I broke up and ceased all communication. We had been going out for nearly a year and had what I considered to be a strong relationship. I was very content with him. Sure, we had our problems, mostly revolving around him putting me down during arguments, but he was also a very loving person and in many ways I felt like we were soulmates. So what's my problem? Just that... I miss him and I would jump at the chance to get back together with him even though I know I probably shouldn't feel that way. Everyone I know says "time will heal all wounds," but it's been four months already! How do I get over him and this pain I have from losing him? ~ Breaking Up Is Hard To Do


Dear Breaking Up Is Hard To Do,

The problem you described is a widespread one that strikes many relationships. Nearly everyone can recall one particular relationship that they wish had gone further than it did and years later they may still miss or long for that person. I've been there too.

There are several things you can do to help you get over him and move on. Your goal is to learn how to be content with yourself and who you are before moving on into another relationship. You'll learn that having contentment that is your own will help break you from depending on others for being content. But getting there will take some work. Here's some tips.

1) Set New Goals. Part of becoming more content with who you are is setting new goals for your life and following through on those goals. For example, if you've always wanted to learn to cook (which improves your lifestyle) then take some cooking courses. This not only teaches you a new skill, but also puts you in interaction with new and interesting people, which is important.

2) Volunteer to Help the Less Fortunate. This single tip is one of the biggest that I can provide you with. By helping out someone less fortunate than you, you will start to appreciate where you are at a lot better. When you volunteer to feed the homeless or deliver toys to poor children, suddenly your problems seem so small. Not only that, but you also bring happiness into your life through helping others. One of the most interesting dates I ever went on was when a girl suggested we go to Toys R Us and purchase toys for a Toys for Tots drive.

3) Remember Why it Didn't Work. So many times, when a couple breaks up and time starts to go by, one or both begin to miss each other by remember only what made that relationship special. When you find yourself doing this, change your thought process to remember the bad things that caused the relationship to fail. A person is only as good as their worse moment and when you remember the things that the person did to hurt you, it will help you get over him a lot quicker.

4) Eliminate Reminders. Because it is time to move on to a better life and lifestyle, you should get rid of anything that reminds you of your past relationship. If you cant bring yourself to shred and throw away cards, letters, etc. then at least put them all in a box and send them away to storage. You are about to become a better person and don't need things that will handicap your process.

5) Improve and Move On. Take some time to improve yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually, if desired. Once you've made great strides, hit the dating circuit again. When you get into a new, great, and rewarding relationship you'll be amazed at how easy it is to forget the past. But while looking for that special someone, keep sticking to your goals and improvement plan. Be happy with who you are and where you are going.

Following the above advice will do wonders not only in helping you move on, but also in helping you to improve as a person. Good luck! ~ The Dating Tipster.


If you have a question for The Dating Tipster, simply email your question to datingtips@onlinedatingmagazine.com. Most questions are answered within 48 hours and your privacy details (i.e. email address) are always kept confidential and never used for any other purpose.

How has your experience with online dating or relationships been? Take a moment to share your experience! Our readers appreciate being able to read, and learn from, the experiences of people like you.


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