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Dating Tips Advice Column:
What's the Best Way for Dealing
With the Pain of a Breakup and Getting Over an Ex?
Dear Dating Tips,
It has been four months since my boyfriend and
I broke up and ceased all communication. We had been
going out for nearly a year and had what I considered
to be a strong relationship. I was very content with
him. Sure, we had our problems, mostly revolving around
him putting me down during arguments, but he was also
a very loving person and in many ways I felt like we
were soulmates. So what's my problem? Just that... I
miss him and I would jump at the chance to get back together
with him even though I know I probably shouldn't feel
that way. Everyone I know says "time will heal all wounds,"
but it's been four months already! How do I get over
him and this pain I have from losing him? ~ Breaking
Up Is Hard To Do
Dear Breaking Up Is Hard To Do,
The problem you described is a widespread one that
strikes many relationships. Nearly everyone can recall
one particular relationship that they wish had gone
further than it did and years later they may still
miss or long for that person. I've been there too.
There are several things you can do to help you get
over him and move on. Your goal is to learn how to
be content with yourself and who you are before moving
on into another relationship. You'll learn that having
contentment that is your own will help break you from
depending on others for being content. But getting
there will take some work. Here's some tips.
1) Set New Goals. Part of becoming more content with
who you are is setting new goals for your life and
following through on those goals. For example, if you've
always wanted to learn to cook (which improves your
lifestyle) then take some cooking courses. This not
only teaches you a new skill, but also puts you in
interaction with new and interesting people, which
is important.
2) Volunteer to Help the Less Fortunate. This single
tip is one of the biggest that I can provide you with.
By helping out someone less fortunate than you, you
will start to appreciate where you are at a lot better.
When you volunteer to feed the homeless or deliver
toys to poor children, suddenly your problems seem
so small. Not only that, but you also bring happiness
into your life through helping others. One of the most
interesting dates I ever went on was when a girl suggested
we go to Toys R Us and purchase toys for a Toys for
Tots drive.
3) Remember Why it Didn't Work. So many times, when
a couple breaks up and time starts to go by, one or
both begin to miss each other by remember only what
made that relationship special. When you find yourself
doing this, change your thought process to remember
the bad things that caused the relationship to fail.
A person is only as good as their worse moment and
when you remember the things that the person did to
hurt you, it will help you get over him a lot quicker.
4) Eliminate Reminders. Because it is time to move
on to a better life and lifestyle, you should get rid
of anything that reminds you of your past relationship.
If you cant bring yourself to shred and throw away
cards, letters, etc. then at least put them all in
a box and send them away to storage. You are about
to become a better person and don't need things that
will handicap your process.
5) Improve and Move On. Take some time to improve
yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually, if
desired. Once you've made great strides, hit the dating
circuit again. When you get into a new, great, and
rewarding relationship you'll be amazed at how easy
it is to forget the past. But while looking for that
special someone, keep sticking to your goals and improvement
plan. Be happy with who you are and where you are going.
Following the above advice will do wonders not only
in helping you move on, but also in helping you to
improve as a person. Good luck! ~ The Dating Tipster.
If you have a question for The Dating Tipster,
simply email your question to datingtips@onlinedatingmagazine.com.
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