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Dating Tips Advice Column:
How Can I Get Better Matches?
Dear Dating Tips,
I'm a single female that has used various online
dating services for several months. My problem is that
the guys that contact me are all turning out to be duds.
I'm frustrated to the point that I'm thinking of giving
up on this whole online dating thing. Are there any good
men on these services? ~
Matchless in Seattle
Dear Matchless in Seattle,
Your message reminds me of a female friend that recently
told me she was "done with this whole online dating
thing" out of frustration.
To answer your question, yes there are good men in
the online dating scene. The key here is that you
have to find them. The situation that you and
my friend brought up is representative of a problem
with many dating sites. The problem is that when a
female signs up for a service like LavaLife,
she is constantly bombarded with emails and instant
messages
from men. All of her time is generally spent communicating
with these men that are finding her. As a result,
it can be easy to get frustrated when these communications
lead to very little chemistry. So here is a solution:
You must become the huntress.
Because most dating services are 70% men and 30% women,
it is very easy for a woman to only communicate with
men
choosing her. But if you step out there and begin doing
your own detailed searches, you are bound to find men
with whom you have a lot more in common. In general,
women tend to be more intuitive in knowing what they
want versus men. So reverse the trend and take it upon
yourself to initiate communication
with men you find interesting.
Now, this isn't always easy because in the LavaLife example,
one of LavaLife's biggest
downfalls is that members cannot turn of the instant
message feature.
So as soon as you log on, your time is spent dealing
with instant messaging. What you need to do is hide
your profile. Temporarily turn your profile off so
that you can spend quality time going through hundreds
of profiles of men. Find ones you like and initiate
the first communication. By doing this, I think you'll
find much better results.
Another solution is to stop using dating services
that automatically let you see everyone else who is
a member. You may want to try a more defined matching
service like
eHarmony or Romantic
Planet.
And yet another solution is to use an offline dating
service where you go to a branch office for a one-on-one
interview and they use extensive matching techniques
to find local people who are highly compatible with
you.
Whatever direction you go in, I hope you eventually
find that perfect match that will compliment you and
forever be your perfect mate. ~
The Dating Tipster
If you have a question for The Dating Tipster,
simply email your question to datingtips@onlinedatingmagazine.com.
Most questions are answered within 48 hours and your
privacy details (i.e. email address) are always kept
confidential and never used for any other purpose).
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