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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

Individual Completeness

As odd as it may sound, one of the most beneficial things a person can do in the world of dating, is to realize and embrace individual completeness. The concept of individual completeness, can be most easily defined as a sense of contentment within oneself. While it is unrealistic that a person can expect to be happy all of the time, a general contentment is certainly possible. We all possess the power to make decisions about what kind of lives we live, often far more than we realize.

For example, if there are major areas of our lives that truly need to be adjusted, such as work path, situation, social standing, financial issues, children, or other aspects, it is a good idea to really look at what those things are that need to be adjusted, and make a plan of action – if even basic, to see about getting on a path to change some of those things. Just really confronting some of the struggles of life, can help to minimize, or even make them disappear altogether.

 

Before you can really find the types of people that you will want in your life, it really is necessary to develop and understand that above all, we are complete by ourselves. Most everyone can find things that they would like to change about themselves, and by first focusing on those things you will be better situated to attract the kinds of people that you desire. The reason for this is twofold: 1 – once you have addressed things about yourself or your life that you would like to change, and set about doing that, it will create a much more satisfying life. When one is satisfied, they tend to radiate positivity, which, in turn, attracts more of the same.

While it may actually be the case that we are all dependent upon one another, for all manner of survival issues, nonetheless, the notion of dependence can often be considered a very negative trait in our present culture.

This is why the phrase “you complete me,” made popular from the climactic scene in the film Jerry Maguire, is often met with such disdain. While it seemed appropriately romantic in the context of its very Hollywood movie-esqueness at the time, the statement did indeed, soon become the fodder of ridicule. This could be because ultimately, the concept that any individual relies upon someone else to fulfill either them or their lives, is ultimately viewed, as a kind of sad situation, when looked at from the standpoint that a truly happy individual would not require someone else to provide happiness for them. One could argue that many people who are alone, are not happy without a partner. And while that may be the case, there have been many studies that have demonstrated the disastrous effects of what happens when people rely upon someone else to “make him or her happy.”

While having a partner and people to socialize with can certainly be enhancements to one’s life, depending on anyone to create contentment, is often met with disappointment. This could be due, in part, to the fact that personal gratification, by the very nature of it, is “personal.” As redundant as that may sound, it is a profound notion, when considered on its own. Logically, if internal happiness were meant to be provided by an exterior source, it would not come from within, or be personal. Therefore, relying on any certain source to create something that originates from within, would seem inappropriate, not to mention, inadequate.

While there do exist, people who possess so little sense of self that they need others in their lives, just to feel in the least way secure, that particular brand of socialization is not truly dependence, but rather, desperation.

Real dependence, at its core – can also be a mature character trait, from someone who is strong and self-confident - yet resilient and humble enough to be aware that no can really do everything by themselves.

As a relationship becomes more significant, the fact is that people begin to depend upon one another. To acknowledge dependence in an intimate context, can actually add to the spiritual completion of oneself.

However, keeping all of the above in mind, as a famous poet once said,

there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

~ Charles Bukowski

In other words, what the above actually means – is that it is far worse to be with the wrong person, than being alone, simply for the purpose of having someone in one’s life. Unfortunately, people generally exchange true romantic happiness, for lack of solitude, and thus spend a great deal of time longing for, chasing after and spending time with – people they are unsuited to be with. By setting about to understand our own personal, individual completeness, and what that ultimately means, we can better and more easily enhance our lives in the best ways possible for ourselves – in every aspect, including one of the more elusive areas – dating and romance.



Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.


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