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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating From the Inside Out > 79

Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

Love and Fear

Love and fear are the two most basic emotions that we have, as a human species. Just about every other emotion to express is sub-categorical in nature. When it comes to love, a whole host of emotional levels exist: joy, peacefulness, happiness, all the way to forgiveness, is merely a few.

Generally, fear reflects anger, attack, hatred, depression, guilt, inadequacy, and prejudice, all of which cause some form of discontentment, whether within the individual who is fearful, or those who happen to get in the path of the person who is afraid, on a very basic level.

On a spiritual level, love and fear cannot coexist. They are such polar opposites, that one will leave immediately, should the other enter into the picture. If you think about it, whenever you find yourself in a situation where great joy is being experienced, and there is a sudden overtaking of fear, the joy instantly disappears. Thankfully, it can work in the opposite direction, as well. When one is threatened, terrorized, or otherwise frightened in any way, if it is possible to direct attention to any form of well being from within, whether triggered by the person who is afraid, or an outside source, the fear will subside.

 

For the most part, most of the time, people make their choices on how to react to situations, based upon past experience. Sometimes this can be good, however, whenever someone is stuck in a rut, or can’t seem to adapt to a situation, because of clouded past judgments, it can be very detrimental and serve to block the good things that could come forward.

It is often what people have been taught in the past, by situations, parents, teachers, peers, doctors, employers, friends, and even foes. When it comes to romance, it seems even more prevalent, to get caught up in past behavior patterns, almost more so than any other area of life.

Some of our reactions are based upon acting on “laws” that were made, in essence, to control behavior, so that we may live in an orderly society. However, some of our decisions are purely based upon lack of thorough understanding, which leads to fear.

When someone gets "out of order" they may be disliked, fined, incarcerated or even killed. Sometimes, entire countries get "out of order" and then it is determined, that the answer is to declare war on them. These are all actions predicated upon fear.

The reason for the fear, is that if someone is out of control, or not following the rules that are set up to be followed, they become a threat, and therefore, fear exists. As a defense mechanism, the fear is reacted to by going on the defensive. By attacking first, they are not given the opportunity to create any sort of situation that may require a relinquishment of power.

The way of love, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. Love, in its purest form, makes no rules, or laws, because they are not needed. Love is not based upon power or control; it is a pure energy force. If everyone practiced the laws of love, it would not be necessary to create rules and laws, as we know them.

For example, laws that protect our bodies would not be needed, since no one would wish harm on anyone else. Rules and regulations about property would not be necessary either, since no one would seek to deprive anyone else.

Laws concerning drugs and automobiles would not be required. No one would use drugs, because our state of being would be so high that we would not be interested in anything that is self-destructive. No one would drive recklessly, at excessive speeds or under the influence, because that is also destructive behavior.

Legally, no one would need to sue anyone, because no one would be interested in lying, cheating or otherwise seeking to deprive anyone else. As impossible as it may sound, a world without fear would not need lawyers, courts, police, or jails, because everyone would trust and care for each other.

The cost of living would not need to go up, because everyone would be involved in his or her work for the greatest good, not trying to outdo or exceed anyone else. Work would be performed correctly, foods would not have harmful ingredients in them, and the work force would not be exploited.

Another interesting metaphor is that love is like light, fear is like darkness. Whenever a light is turned on, the darkness disappears, much the way that it disappears when love shows through.

When you view fear as darkness, and love as light, it is easier to “see,” that abandoning fear, in order to pursue love, is much more logical. No where is this attitude going to be more gratifying, than in dating. Fear is an emotion that has held back many people, in terms of approaching new people, many of whom may be very well suited to them.

Perhaps another way to pursue love is to use love itself, by embracing who we are, what we do, our goals, our purposes, and even mankind. While it may sound rather grandiose, it truly is possible. The more love you have in your life in every area, the more possible it is to attain it in the most intimate way possible – romance.

Whenever we act out of fear, we are turning out the light, and denying truth, as we enter into the darkness. By doing that, we leave love behind. And that is inauthentic, because that is not who we are as human beings.

Everyone must choose how he or she wishes to confront and handle every situation, at every moment of every day. While extenuating circumstances may have served to create the situation, it is still the individual, who makes the choice of how to allow something to affect them.

Therefore, the next time you decide not to approach who could be a new friend, attend a social event for no good reason, accept another kind of social invitation, or stop yourself from pursuing new social opportunities, try instead, to relinquish whatever fear may be in the way, and just do it. The more that fear abandonment is practiced, the better chance that dreams may be fulfilled, including those that involve romance.



Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.


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