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Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating
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 Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
Love
and Fear
Love
and fear are the two most basic emotions that we
have, as a human species. Just about every other
emotion to express is sub-categorical in nature.
When it comes to love, a whole host of emotional
levels exist: joy, peacefulness, happiness, all the
way to forgiveness, is merely a few.
Generally,
fear reflects anger, attack, hatred, depression,
guilt, inadequacy, and prejudice, all of which cause
some form of discontentment, whether within the individual
who is fearful, or those who happen to get in the
path of the person who is afraid, on a very basic
level.
On
a spiritual level, love and fear cannot coexist.
They are such polar opposites, that one will leave
immediately, should the other enter into the picture.
If you think about it, whenever you find yourself
in a situation where great joy is being experienced,
and there is a sudden overtaking of fear, the joy
instantly disappears. Thankfully, it can work in
the opposite direction, as well. When one is threatened,
terrorized, or otherwise frightened in any way, if
it is possible to direct attention to any form of
well being from within, whether triggered by the
person who is afraid, or an outside source, the fear
will subside.
For
the most part, most of the time, people make their
choices on how to react to situations, based upon
past experience. Sometimes this can be good, however,
whenever someone is stuck in a rut, or can’t seem to adapt
to a situation, because of clouded past judgments,
it can be very detrimental and serve to block the good
things that could come forward.
It
is often what people have been taught in the past,
by situations, parents, teachers, peers, doctors,
employers, friends, and even foes. When it comes
to romance, it seems even more prevalent, to get
caught up in past behavior patterns, almost more
so than any other area of life.
Some
of our reactions are based upon acting on “laws” that
were made, in essence, to control behavior, so that
we may live in an orderly society. However, some of
our decisions are purely based upon lack of thorough
understanding, which leads to fear.
When
someone gets "out
of order" they may be disliked, fined, incarcerated
or even killed. Sometimes, entire countries get "out
of order" and then it is determined, that the
answer is to declare war on them. These are all actions
predicated upon fear.
The
reason for the fear, is that if someone is out of
control, or not following the rules that are set
up to be followed, they become a threat, and therefore,
fear exists. As a defense mechanism, the fear is
reacted to by going on the defensive. By attacking
first, they are not given the opportunity to create
any sort of situation that may require a relinquishment
of power.
The
way of love, on the other hand, is quite the opposite.
Love, in its purest form, makes no rules, or laws,
because they are not needed. Love is not based upon
power or control; it is a pure energy force. If everyone
practiced the laws of love, it would not be necessary
to create rules and laws, as we know them.
For
example, laws that protect our bodies would not be
needed, since no one would wish harm on anyone else.
Rules and regulations about property would not be
necessary either, since no one would seek to deprive
anyone else.
Laws
concerning drugs and automobiles would not be required.
No one would use drugs, because our state of being
would be so high that we would not be interested
in anything that is self-destructive. No one would
drive recklessly, at excessive speeds or under the
influence, because that is also destructive behavior.
Legally,
no one would need to sue anyone, because no one would
be interested in lying, cheating or otherwise seeking
to deprive anyone else. As impossible as it may sound,
a world without fear would not need lawyers, courts,
police, or jails, because everyone would trust and
care for each other.
The
cost of living would not need to go up, because everyone
would be involved in his or her work for the greatest
good, not trying to outdo or exceed anyone else.
Work would be performed correctly, foods would not
have harmful ingredients in them, and the work force
would not be exploited.
Another
interesting metaphor is that love is like light,
fear is like darkness. Whenever a light is turned
on, the darkness disappears, much the way that it
disappears when love shows through.
When
you view fear as darkness, and love as light, it
is easier to “see,” that abandoning fear, in order
to pursue love, is much more logical. No where is this
attitude going to be more gratifying, than in dating.
Fear is an emotion that has held back many people,
in terms of approaching new people, many of whom may
be very well suited to them.
Perhaps
another way to pursue love is to use love itself,
by embracing who we are, what we do, our goals, our
purposes, and even mankind. While it may sound rather
grandiose, it truly is possible. The more love you
have in your life in every area, the more possible
it is to attain it in the most intimate way possible – romance.
Whenever
we act out of fear, we are turning out the light,
and denying truth, as we enter into the darkness.
By doing that, we leave love behind. And that is
inauthentic, because that is not who we are as human
beings.
Everyone
must choose how he or she wishes to confront and
handle every situation, at every moment of every
day. While extenuating circumstances may have served
to create the situation, it is still the individual,
who makes the choice of how to allow something to
affect them.
Therefore,
the next time you decide not to approach who could
be a new friend, attend a social event for no good
reason, accept another kind of social invitation,
or stop yourself from pursuing new social opportunities,
try instead, to relinquish whatever fear may be in
the way, and just do it. The more that fear abandonment
is practiced, the better chance that dreams may be
fulfilled, including those that involve romance.
Susan
S. Davis is a published book author
and writer, currently doing research for a romantic
screenplay she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
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