| Online
Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating
From the Inside Out > 71
 Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
Dealing
with Serial Dating
Last
week, we discussed the concept of “serial
dating.” As the topic has become more prevalent,
it may be a good idea to explore the phenomenon more
in-depth.
On
the outside, the world of the serial dater may appear
to be rife with disingenuousness, steeped in self-indulgent
irresponsibility. The fact is that the very nature
of serial dating, has a fly-by-night, transient feel
to it, because anyone who cannot focus on getting
to know someone, or continually disallows getting
to know someone, for the mere fact that some minor
flaw appears to exist, smacks of immaturity, on a
very basic level.
For
those individuals who will continue to defend serial
dating, justifying it - while claiming that they
do have serious relationship goals, the idea to consider
here, is that whether or not those goals actually
exist, the outward appearances remain contrary, and
speak volumes. To quote an appropriate cliché: “actions
speak louder than words.”
Serial
dating
might
have
become
more
common,
due
to
the
sheer
number
of
people
available
through
technology,
for
starters,
and
the
fact
that
once
embraced,
it
can
be
difficult
to “crack.” Like
any
other
addiction,
it
can
be
easy
to
fall
prey
to
the
rhythm
of
the “chase” – seeking,
finding,
communicating
and
meeting
person
after
person.
It’s
hard
to
break
the
cycle,
particularly
when
one
gets
accustomed
to
searching
the
endless
databases
of
people
posted
on
the
Internet
in
dating
websites,
and
on
message
boards.
The
online
dating
business
is
a
lucrative.
According
to
2007
statistics
from
Online
Dating
Magazine:
Estimates
of
over
20
million
people
have
visited
at
least
one
online
dating
service
per
month.
In
addition,
at
least
31%
of
adults
have
reported
that
they
know
of
someone
who
has
used
an
online
dating
service.
Add
to
that,
the
over
three
million
people
who
have
reportedly
paid
for
an
online
dating
service,
and
those
facts
alone,
would
logically
mean
that
it
is
the
number
of
persons
searching
for
others
to
date,
that
is
the
lifeblood
of
the
online
dating
business.
That
being
the
case,
it
is
no
wonder
then,
that
the
business
could
very
well
be,
perpetuated
in
part,
by
the
serial
dater.
The
serial
dating
phenomenon is
much
like
the
perpetual
student
or
job
interviewer.
While
a
student
may
eventually
truly
desire
to
graduate
and
move
on
to
a
career,
the
comfort
of
the
classroom,
the
camaraderie
and
culture
of
learning
and
the
socialization
aspects,
are
very
difficult
to
give
up.
A
whole
new
mind-set
needs
to
be
adopted,
with
a
plan
and
commitment
to
go
with
it,
in
order
to
make
a
change
to “the
real
world.”
Giving
up
the
serial
dating
routine,
like
any
other
routine,
is
like
breaking
any
other
habit.
It
first
takes
the
true
desire
to
do
so,
and
then
a
replacement
structure.
The
old
rule
of
thumb, “Do
what
you
always
have,
and
you
will
always
have
the
same
thing,” comes
to
mind.
To
effect
change,
one
must
themselves,
change.
Many
people
are
creatures
of
comfort
and
routine.
What
they
do
on
a
daily
basis
in
their
lives
becomes
what
they
know.
And
it
is
usually
always
easier
to
do
what
one
knows,
and
is
familiar
with,
than
to
try
something
new.
So
although
a
serial
dater
is
always
meeting
new
people,
the
chance
of
a
relationship
is
always
sabotaged,
by
their
requirement
of
newness.
The
other
most
important
component,
aside
from
the
intention
behind
it,
to
dealing
with
any
habit-breaking
endeavor,
is
perseverance.
Most
would
agree
and
attest
to
the
fact,
that
in
order
to
change
habitual
behavior,
usually
a
great
deal
of
effort
is
necessary.
Finding
yourself
in
the
cycle
of
serial
dating,
whether
your
own
or
someone
else’s,
can
be
disconcerting,
to
say
the
least.
Rather
than
allowing
yourself
to
continue
in
the
cycle,
and
thus
become
disillusioned
and
disenchanted
with
dating,
you
may
try
instead,
to
really
figure
out
and
address,
either
your
own
or
the
motives
of
the
serial
dater
that
you
are
dealing
with.
Oftentimes,
the
more
apparent
red
flags
of
the
serial
dater
may
not
be
crystal
clear – even
if
you
are
the
one
who
is
the
serial
dater.
One
way
to
discern
whether
or
not
someone
is
a
serial
dater
is
the
old
fashioned, “listen
to
what
your
gut
tells
you.” If
someone
seems
less
than
interested,
put
off
easily,
or
indifferent
at
every
turn,
it
is
probably
much
better
not
to
waste
time
trying
to
win
him
or
her
over.
Don’t
ignore
the
signs.
Dating
is
a
two-way
street,
and
any
time
that
you
feel
or
it
seems
like
you
are
the
one
putting
forth
all
of
the
effort,
it’s
a
bad
sign
from
the
outset.
Not
only
is
it
unfair,
but
also
the
reality
is
that
a
relationship
that
begins
that
way,
usually
stays
that
way,
and
rarely
gets
better
with
time.
While
there
is
always
an
exception
to
the
rule,
once
the
precedent
is
set,
it
is
very
difficult
to
back
track
and
try
to
reverse
behavior.
Rather
than
being
persistent
with
someone
who
does
not
appear
to
share
your
level
of
interest,
it
is
best
to
withdraw
from
the
situation.
If
a
person
who
you
believed
was
not
truly
interested
later
contacts
you,
it
is
best
to
tread
carefully.
Always
keep
in
mind,
the
reason
you
decided
to
turn
your
focuses
elsewhere.
If
you
do
decide
to
give
someone
another
try,
always
be
aware
of
how
that
person’s
goals
align
with
yours.
If
you’re
satisfied
that
you
can
deal
with
whatever
that
person’s
motives
are,
then
you
can
proceed.
If
not,
it’s
best
to
seek
companionship
elsewhere.
Ultimately,
the
best
thing
that
you
can
do
for
yourself
is
try
to
find
out
if
your
initial
assessment
was
correct,
by
addressing
what
their
actual
motives
are,
in
some
fashion.
While
many
people
don’t
really
wish
to
divulge
this
information – that,
in
and
of
itself,
is
a
sign
that
this
person
is
probably
not
on
the
same
page
as
you
are.
The
sooner
you
realize
that,
the
better
chance
that
you
will
not
wind
up
being
disappointed.
By
using
your
own
judgment,
and
again,
trusting
your
intuition,
you
can
determine
how
to
proceed
in
the
best
way
for
yourself.
As
long
as
your
own
goals
are
always
at
the
forefront,
and
you
continue
to
be
honest
about
what
those
goals
are,
you
will
succeed
in
using
your
time
to
your
best
advantage,
as
you
continue
on
in
your
dating
quests.
Related Links
» The Serial Dating Phenomenon
» Avoid Becoming a Professional Online Dater
» Reader Experience: Hooked on Online Dating
Susan
S. Davis is a published book author
and writer, currently doing research for a romantic
screenplay she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
Sign Up for Our Free Newsletter
|
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today.
|
