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Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating
From the Inside Out > 70
 Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
The
Spiritual Partnership in Relationships
In
the 1960s and 70s, fairness and equality were prevalent
in society, because we were still trying to develop
ourselves past the rigid role-based doctrines of
the 1950s. Since those eras have passed, we are in
a much better position, to move beyond fairness and
equality, to a more evolved, universal approach:
the Spiritual Partnership.
Any
form of spirituality, begins with the individual
first. After that, we can begin to develop the same
type of focus with other relationships in our lives.
The very first “spiritual
partnership,” therefore, should be developed
within yourself.
The
first step in developing a spiritual partnership
within yourself, focuses on eradicating negative
energy. Rather than engage in negative thought or
action, within yourself or toward another, instead,
try putting that energy toward the thoughts you wish
to be having, the life you wish to be living, and
the types of relationships that you wish to be involved
in.
A
good way to begin, is to
make a solemn pact within yourself,
for a specified period of
time, such as a few days or
a week, in which you will
eliminate all negative energy – such
as critical, demanding or otherwise destructive thought
or involvement with anyone who engages in it.
If
it is impossible to refrain from being around all
negativity, then it is usually at least possible
to simply limit, in some way, the connection to those
types of individuals or situations. It is advisable,
in the long run, that steps be taken to develop a
plan to eradicate any influences that are based in
negativity, on as near permanent a basis, as possible.
This
does not mean that you should disengage from all
negative situations, and never seek to rectify an
adverse situation; it just means that the approach
to handling it is different. Focus more on the solution,
than the problem itself. In order to fix something,
it is not necessary to assign the situation more
relevance than it needs to have, by engulfing yourself
in it.
One
of the first things that you will most likely discover,
is how often negative, critical, or demanding commentary
is made by yourself and others, often without even
realizing it. Negativity saps energy and drags people
down to such a degree, that it can severely impact
the quality of life surrounding everyone in its path.
If
we all stop ourselves before a negative thought is
even completed, let alone verbalized, we can begin
to realize it quickly enough to eradicate and actually
change the course of an activity, day, week, month
-- or for as long as you wish.
For
decades now, we have made the mistake of applying
the rules of the marketplace to relationships. While
sometimes those strategies may work, it is important
to keep in mind that goal of the marketplace is to
advance, sometimes irrespective of whom gets squashed
in the process. The purpose of love, however, is
to engage in a very human connection, and to effectively,
love.
The
premise of the spiritual partnership, is to effectively
base all behavior in the most spiritual, loving way
possible. When situations arise, it is much more
appropriate, rather than simply apply problem solving
techniques, to resort to a question such as “On a spiritual level, how
should I behave in accordance with my spiritual value
system to handle this situation?"
The
basis of any spiritual partnership, is respect. And
respect is based upon understanding. Understanding
is a method that involves comprehending and communicating.
True communication, embraces other viewpoints. This
is where the spiritual partnership comes into play.
In order to have a true bonding of this type, one
must submit to accepting other viewpoints than their
own, and consider the feelings and thoughts of another
person.
A
good way to begin to develop spiritual partnerships
with others, once you’ve
developed the one within yourself, is to try erasing
from the mind and life, the concept of “fair and
equal,” instead focusing on the effectiveness of
the result that you want. Define the goals of the types
of relationships you want to develop. There is a saying
that pop psychologists have used, that while a bit cliché,
can still offer wisdom: “Do you want to be “right,” or
do you want to be happy? It really does make a difference,
which one you choose.
Being “right,” usually
involves making someone else “wrong” in the
process. How does that align with your overall goal?
Isn’t there a way to get your point across
without undermining the very thing that you are trying
to develop, by insisting on negative impulses to
drive a certain issue home?
When
you make these inner shifts, and begin to view situations
more on a spiritual level, the relationships in your
life will begin to change along with your point of
view. Problems may become less and less, as you determine
your relationships as spiritual alignments. Almost
miraculously, you will attract, as the law of attraction
dictates, more positive involvements and alignments.
You
may find that more creative ways of dealing with
most of the day to day issues that arise in your
life materialize, as a more spiritual purpose of
your relationships emerge.
By
focusing more on what it is that you are trying to
accomplish, you can steer clear of some of the negative
energy that can be so damaging. If your goal is to
truly enrich your life with positive relationships,
then it will be easy to embark upon focusing on that
goal. Just always keep it in mind, in the forefront,
what it is that you are trying to accomplish as you
go through your day. You may be amazed at how quickly
the roadblocks may even disappear, seemingly all
on their own.
Here
is something to think about. Whether happy and satisfied
with your present social situations or not, the one
powerful, simple strategy that may be used to create
a more pleasant atmosphere overall, based on universal
spiritual principles, is to develop spiritual partnerships
with those individuals that you desire to align with
in your life.
The
reality is that spiritual partnerships, by their
very nature, serve the core of our psyches. They
do not rely upon the physical to determine their
worth. They are based in the truth and beauty of
genuineness; a throwback to honor, virtue, loyalty,
and all of those “corny” things
that seem to be so prevalent in old films, particularly
those dealing with romance and happy endings. But
make no mistake; when embraced, spiritual partnerships
can be some of the most powerful ever formed. There
is no binding contract that can exceed the loyalty
associated with a spiritually based alignment, because
they are not formed using legalese; they are based
solely upon the integrity of intention.
In
order to develop spiritual partnerships, it is not
necessary to embrace religion. Spirituality is not
dependent upon religious affiliation. It is, quite
simply, only necessary to first, desire to make a
dramatic positive impact on the quality of your relationships.
In addition, this new intention, may or may not involve
a partner. The first spiritual pact that you make,
must be with yourself, largely because it is impossible
to honor others, without first honoring yourself.
If
you’re still not sure how to investigate
the spiritual partnership – or of how it relates
to finding love, a good well-known reference, is The
Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. In the book, love is
defined as "the will to extend one's self for the
purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual
growth." When that theory
is voluntarily embraced,
the spiritual discipline
of eradicating all negative,
critical, or demanding comments,
results in nurturing the
spiritual growth of yourself,
as well as everyone else
around you.
Once
the positive effects of spiritual partnerships
blossom, you may be amazed
at how simple, easy and effective
the whole process is. Another
great benefit to embracing
the power of the spiritual
partnership, is that on a
karmic level, the door to
greater quality social situations,
relationships, and love,
becomes more deserved.
Finally,
another fantastic benefit
that may be encountered,
once the path to spiritual
partnership has been established,
is often a profound, extraordinary
effect on other aspects of
life, as well, as a sort
of ripple effect begins to
evolve in your entire daily
life.
Susan
S. Davis is a published book author
and writer, currently doing research for a romantic
screenplay she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
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