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Dating From the Inside Out
When it comes to “being available,” it
seems that being too free with one’s time can
present an unflattering over anxiousness that spells
desperation – a very negative component in the
social relationship department. People who are genuinely
passionate about everything that they do can often
struggle with this. Passion and enthusiasm are sometimes
construed as less than appealing attributes, and that
is a shame, because that is usually the very quality
that attracts in social interaction. It’s important,
however, to also be aware of how desperation, selfishness
or rudeness can be assumed in actions that may demonstrate
Psychologically, when anything is too
available, it can cease to be desired, let alone, cherished.
Unfortunately, human beings have a great capacity to
take things for granted. The best things, situations,
people and circumstances can often lose their luster
with familiarity. The most compatible date or partner
can become “boring.” Repetition and time
can dull our senses into suddenly failing to see the
beauty of things, even people. Society can endow novelty with attributes that are
merely presumed, rather than actually a reality. This
is because when something becomes common to us, the
mystery ceases to exist. The irony is that once that
happens, we are now disenchanted with the very things
that at one time, used to excite us. We lack interest
rather than strength, as the once new job, partner,
friend or leisure activity becomes routine, even tedious.
Discontent is a consequence of assumption that something
will continue to provide stimulation, regardless of
how often it is sought. Unless potential is adjusted
accordingly, the dwindling spiral of dissatisfaction
will continue, until other opportunities and situations
are ultimately sought out.
One way to combat boredom is to attempt to keep things
interesting with new perspectives and adventures. Human
beings need to continue to evolve in one form or another,
in order to stimulate interest in and by others. Art,
culture, music and other human interests are easy ways
in which to accomplish this.
When it comes to most things, the more available something
is, the less it costs. This holds true with material
things, and can be applied to situations as well. Just
as good clothes, expensive cars, jewelry, property,
etc. cost more when they are more worth having, so
can relationships. One cost measurement in the social
world is time. Often underestimated, mismanaged and
given away more than any other resource, time is much
more valuable than most people ever realize or give
it credit for. Therefore, socially, time is a commodity
that should not be squandered.
The fact remains that the things we most want or desire
in life are often the least accessible. Rarity, rather
than over saturation, is how value is placed on things.
The less something is accessible, usually, the more
it is sought after.
In order to maintain interest in
anything, there must remain some area of mystery.
When it comes to relationships,
one way to achieve this is to never stop growing,
by always seeking to enhance the life you live with
aspects of life interest you, whether it be art,
music, culture, reading, writing, mentoring, charities,
or other hobbies. Not only will remaining involved
in life enhance you spiritually, it can serve to
provide a purpose that aids you, someone else or humanity
a whole. And by doing this, the level of interest
in you will remain constant, and even grow.
is often hard to resist the temptation of being available
to new friends (and especially potential
partners), it is important to remain grounded enough
so that the causes that interest you, whatever they
may be, are not abandoned for the sake of a new social
When someone new enters a social circle,
it is easy to start to devote inappropriate amounts
of time and
energy to the new budding relationship. The problem
with this is, the person you feel is now so important,
may not reciprocate. This can leave you with a misguided
purpose that can become hard to rebound from. For
example, abandoning family and friends in favor of
a new interest
can create friction and sometimes, irreparable harm
to existing relationships.
In addition, it seems to
be a fact of nature that being too available can
cheapen your own attractiveness,
as you become less rare, more common and finally,
less desirable. One way around all of this is to be
enigmatic by maintaining the things in your life
that are important to you.
The above is important, particularly
in the initial stages of meeting people. For example,
always be sure
to suggest days and times that work for you, rather
than always appeasing to someone else’s schedule.
Manage your time just as you would have before new
friends come into your life. If time management isn’t
your forte, you may want to take this opportunity to
learn effective time management. Just as in business,
managing one’s time can greatly enhance your
social life in terms of accomplishing your goals on
If you’re not sure, try really managing your
time for just one week, and as you begin to expand
your social sphere, apply time management to that as
well. You may find that just by breaking old habits
and establishing new ones, many new horizons may surface
Advertising executives know that by creating demand,
one can maintain, and then sustain the desire factor.
And interest and desire are two components that must
be present at the beginning, and at all times, to maintain
strong relationships. So, in the end, you may find
that taking some time to develop ways to spark and
continue interest is time well spent.
Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer,
currently doing research for a romantic screenplay
she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
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