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by Kim Lance,
associate publisher of Online Dating Magazine
Don't Disconnect
During Stressful Times
When a romantic relationship is going
well and the couple is happy, it can be very hard to
image that anything in life could damage that strong
bond. Unfortunately, even the most stable relationships
can unravel as one or both partners go through major
life-changing experiences. Although you and your partner
may be in a stable relationship, full of love and open
communication, there are some very important situations
in life that can put some strain on your relationship.
Whether you want it to or not, there are common events
in life that have broken up many couples and, if you
aren’t careful, those same changes can threaten
your relationship.
The important thing
is to be aware of some of these situations and prepare
for them if you face them in your life. If you can
recognize that some other factor may be causing problems
in your relationship, you can more appropriately deal
with those problems. Here are four major life changes
that can often make or break a relationship.
1. Moving to a New Town
There may come a time in your life as a couple where
you decide you need a change of scenery. Be aware,
that if the two of you decide to pack up your things
and head to a different town, there may be major
stress associated with that. The stress is elevated
if you move to an area where neither of you know
anyone else and rely solely on each other in the
beginning.
A new location means the start of a new life, but,
it can also mean a lot of emotional turmoil, homesickness,
and difficulty finding a new social stability. Because
you both are going through this stress at the same
time, you may begin to take out your stress on one
another. It is important to recognize the pressure
and emotions that moving can cause and make sure not
to focus that negativity on your partner or your relationship.
Instead, grow closer together by getting out and discovering
new areas and meeting new people together.
2. Finishing School
If you or your partner decides to pursue higher education
during the time you are together, be prepared for
some strains on your relationship. Whether you are
getting your Bachelors, Masters, Law Degree, or the
like, your desire to further educate yourself does
not only affect you, but also has a strong impact
on your partner.
Prepare yourself for less time together, financial
strains, and just plain grouchiness. You or your partner
may feel ignored or neglected as the other puts more
time into his or her studies, but try to remember not
to take it personally. Also keep in mind that it is
just temporary, and you will get back the person you
feel in love with once finals are over. If you are
the person working toward the degree, try to remember
to make some time for your partner in between exams.
3. Losing a Loved One
Nothing can affect someone’s personality and
happiness more than losing a close friend or family
member. If your partner has just lost someone close
to them, it is very important to keep that in mind
during those first few weeks after the passing of
their loved one. During that time (and sometimes
much longer)
they will experience some extreme emotions. You will
have to practice extra patience and understanding
during this time and try to avoid taking any emotional
outbursts
or unavailability personally.
Your role during this devastating time is to be
there for your partner as much as you can and listen
to them
when they need to talk. While you shouldn’t
just take any hurtful comments, exercise extra patience
and understand that the emotions and words coming
from
your partner may be sparked by emotions much deeper
than frustration over not taking out the trash.
Of course, there are many other important events that
can change your life and your relationships – having
children, starting or losing a job, dealing with illness,
just to name a few. As these events pop up throughout
life, the vital thing is to always try and look at
the bigger picture when you start to notice more stress
or arguments between you and your partner. Ask yourself
not only what you are arguing about, but, also, what
could be factoring into that argument that isn’t
directly related to it.
If you or your partner is going through an important
milestone in life that is making your relationship
tougher, don’t just give up. Focus on the bigger
picture and working through the tough times and you
will find your self reconnecting again as the stress
begins to lift.
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