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Connect
by Kim Lance,
associate publisher of Online Dating Magazine
Game Playing is
for Kids, Not Relationships
Think back to when you were in elementary
school. Do you remember your first crush? How did you
let them know you liked them? If you were like most
children your age you probably let your crush know
you liked them in a very suave and sophisticated way – teasing
and taunting, acting out to get their attention, and
pouting in the corner if they paid more attention to
your friend than you. Sound familiar? Yes, you expressed
your true feelings the only way you knew how, by playing
childish games. But, we have all grown up since then
right? Well, maybe not.
Unfortunately, when some people start to feel threatened
in their relationship, they can resort to game playing.
Yes that’s right, the kind of stuff that should
have been left out on the playground after you graduated
to junior high school. Teasing, acting out, and sulking
for attention still happens quite frequently in many
relationships and dating situations. The sad part is
that, if this behavior goes on too long, it can have
a strong negative effect on a relationship. If you
want to have a mature and serious relationship, you
both need to stop playing games and start acting like
adults.
Teasing – Isn’t
It Really Just Being Mean?
There is a time and a place for a little friendly teasing
between partners, as long as it is done with love and
playful affection. A problem can arise when teasing is
done out of spite, jealousy, or hidden resentment. If
one partner is feeling threatened, inferior or ignored,
he or she may resort to teasing to get attention or feel
better about him or herself. Teasing allows you to mask
your real intentions and feelings by passively making
your partner feel bad or irritated. Because it is done
in a “joking” way, you never have to take
the blame for it, and that isn’t fair to your partner.
Rather than teasing your partner about something that
they are better at than you, praise them for being
unique or skilled. Don’t make fun of your partner
for spilling by calling him or her a klutz if you know
that they are already embarrassed. Instead, help them
clean up the spill and try and change the subject to
get their mind off of it.
Acting Out – You Don’t Want Negative
Attention
When a partner in a relationship is feeling ignored
they may try to get the attention of their partner
by acting out. Picking a fight, intentionally going
against your partner’s wishes, or just calling
unnecessary and unwanted attention to yourself when
out with your partner are all examples of childish
game playing that communicates a negative message
to your loved one.
If you are feeling ignored by your partner, you want
to work on getting them to pay attention to you for
positive reasons. Try to schedule some private time
or be a bit more affectionate with your partner and
see if that helps them turn their focus back to you.
Better yet, just be honest with your partner and tell
him or her how you are feeling! They may have some
issue on their mind that you don’t know about
and can explain the distracted vibe they have been
sending.
Sulking and Pouting – Never Good for
a Relationship
Sometimes when your relationship partners make you
feel bad or ignored your first reaction may be to
sulk in a corner somewhere until your partner feels
so guilty that he or she has to approach you to apologize.
While it may make you feel better to feel sorry for
yourself, sulking or pouting will only usually make
your partner feel guilty enough to say sorry or downright
anger them.
Just as when you act out, keeping to yourself and
sulking is just another way of avoiding a conversation
about what is really bothering you. As with all situations
in a relationship, honesty is the best policy. If something
is bugging you, the last thing you should do is cover
up the problem by causing a new problem. Sulking and
playing games can also blow a situation out of proportion.
Just talk to your partner and resolve the issue. It
will save you a lot of time and frustration and get
you back into good communication and warm feelings
again faster.
Stop The Games, Start Connecting
These sorts of relationship games are only useful in
further separating couples and building up distance
between the two of you. And, if you aren’t
careful, games can often backfire and frustrate your
partner so much that they give up on playing your
games after a while. Keeping a relationship growing
and thriving has a lot to do with maturity and patience
and there is no room for childish games in a serious
relationship.
When you are feeling neglected, ignored, or if you
are just plain mad, try to take a deep breath, think
about what is really bothering you, and talk about
it with your partner. This is the only way to really
look at your issues and come up with solutions. If
you can replace immaturity and game playing with honest
and open conversation and understanding both you and
your partner will be happier and understand each other
much better.
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