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Connect
by Kim Lance,
associate publisher of Online Dating Magazine
Online Dating
Communication: First Impressions and Relationship
Development
Since the Connect column appears every
week in Online Dating Magazine, I decided to devote
this week’s edition to the tens of thousands
of online daters that read this magazine every month.
How you communicate, whether it is a first impression
or while deeply connected in a relationship, is important
not only in traditional dating, but in online dating
as well. Many of the same rules apply, but, because
online dating is such a unique (and wonderful) way
to spark a real relationship, the topic of online dating
communication is worth spending some time discussing.
So, online daters, whether you use dating services
like Match.com, relationship services like
eHarmony or
free dating through sites like MySpace,
this advice is for you.
Facilitate a Great First Impression Through Your Profile
First impressions are extremely important, especially
when it comes to dating. While the impression you
make on your first date is vital, don’t ignore
the real first impression you make on your date – the
first time he or she views your profile. Think of
your online dating profile as the first opportunity
to communicate a lot about you to the future love
of your life.
Make sure that your profile
sends the right message to potential matches. As you
probably know by now, your profile
photo is one of the most important factors in what sort of first impression
you make on other members. Choose a photo that can communicate
your friendly and warm nature, but do not be misleading
(i.e. no 10 year old photos or photos before you gained
15 pounds). A misleading photo is the same as starting
a relationship with lies. If you lie through an inaccurate
photo right from the beginning to your date it will undoubtedly
lead to some awkward silences and possible feelings of
betrayal when you do get a chance to make a first impression
in person.
Online Dating Magazine has stressed the importance
of individuality, creativity, and positivity in your
online
dating profile, but I am going to emphasize
it one more time because it is vitally important. Remember,
your profile is the first thing a match will most likely
rely on to initially figure out what kind of person
you are. If you steer away from mediocrity and negativity
in your profile you will multiply your odds of finding
your special someone. In fact, many men and women will
already form subconscious connections with potential
matches based solely on their profile responses. Use
this as a prime opportunity to make an initial connection
with your date and possible relationship partner.
Communicate Honestly When Emailing and Chatting
Once you have made a strong first impression and have
begun conversing with a match through email, you
may not know it, but you are now entering into a
relationship with that other person. You and your
online match enter into a phase of communication
that can set the pace and standards for the beginning
stages of your relationship. Online dating is a great
way for a couple to really get to know each other
without the distraction of physical appearance, but
there are some communication strategies that can
make or break a relationship even before you get
a chance to meet in person.
The most important rule to follow is to make sure
you keep your email and messaging open and honest,
while still using common sense regarding dating
safety.
It’s true that you don’t want to reveal
personal information too soon, especially since there
is the possibility of danger when dating online (not
to mention meeting someone at a bar), but don’t
lie about who you are…ever. I can guarantee that
any lie you tell will come back to haunt you. Even
if your partner never finds out, your guilt may be
all the negativity you need to prevent you from lying
again. If your online match asks you information you
are not comfortable answering, be honest and tell him
or her exactly that. There is nothing wrong with admitting
that you want to get to know a person a little better
before divulging personal information about yourself.
Just as in an in-person relationship, the golden rule
of online dating is “Honesty is the best policy”.
Know When to Take it to the Next Level
While you can learn a great deal about someone through
email, chat rooms, and instant messaging, don’t
rely on this form of communicating for too long if
you really plan on forming a romantic relationship
with your match. When you start to feel a spark,
move to the next level in your relationship – the
phone call. Communicating too long without hearing
each other’s voice may build too much anticipation
and could cause awkwardness and uncomfortably when
you eventually do meet or talk one on one. You won’t
know if you can make it as a couple until you are
actually dating, so don’t put it off for too
long. Remember, the point of online dating is to
meet someone that you can go out on dates with, cuddle
with, and form a full relationship with, connecting
on both an intellectual and physical level, so don’t
forget about the in-person part!
Online dating can be a wonderful way to meet your
special someone for a life-long relationship. In fact,
eHarmony
boasts over 30,000 marriages formed each year
by members who met through their online dating service.
If you can attract dates through a fun, friendly, and
honest profile and maintain a high level of communication
integrity while in the email and messaging stages,
you are setting yourself up for some wonderful dates
and, most likely, a strong, connected relationship
in your future.
Related Links:
Online Dating Safety Tips
The Five Different Types of Online Dating Services
Online Dating Profile Advice
Online Dating Photo Advice
Online Dating Services
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