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by Kim Lance,
associate publisher of Online Dating Magazine
Body Language
Speaks Volumes
During a relationship, many couples concern
themselves with matters of vocal communication. When
is it the right time to say I love you? Should I talk
about myself more or ask more questions about my date?
How can I argue my feelings effectively without alienating
my partner? While language plays a vital part in a
relationship, a very different kind of language plays
just as important a role, especially toward the early
stages of a relationship. Body language tells a person
if you are happy, sad, angry, or even just plain bored.
In order to effectively communicate the right message
to your partner, you need to understand your own non-verbal
habits and tendencies. If you can recognize your own
body language, you can learn to speak volumes without
saying a word.
There are several things we do with our bodies during
interaction with others that can give off messages.
Two of the most visible ways to express emotion through
body language are in your head and your arm movements.
Because you can’t always be aware of all of your
movements at once, focusing on how you nod or shake
your head and what you do with your hands and arms
are two simple ways to better control the message you
send to others non-verbally.
Head Movements: The Affirmative
Head Nod or Disruptive Head Shake
Something even as simple as how your move your head can
convey important messages to your relationship partner.
In early stages of a relationship, couples desire to
connect not only through physical attraction, but also
on a mental level. Getting along in a relationship involves
understanding each other and sharing things in common.
When your partner is speaking to you, one of the best
ways to express understanding and agreement is through
the head-nod. Nodding your head symbolizes agreement
and understanding without having to interrupt a conversation
by saying “yes” or “I see”. In
fact, the affirmative head-nod is well-documented as
a nearly universal indication of accord, agreement, and
understanding.
Just as a head nod can non-verbally show your partner
that you understand or agree with them, the head shake
can do the opposite. A head shake from side to side
typically symbolizes disagreement but can also be a
way of showing disbelief, sympathy, or grief. While
a head shake may be appropriate when trying to sympathize
with your partner after they have lost a loved one
or are angry about a jerky co-worker, shaking your
head mid-conversation to show your partner you don’t
agree with what they are saying can have a very negative
affect. It is almost as bad as verbally cutting off
your partner mid-sentence to say “You’re
wrong.”
Being aware of your head movements when communicating
with your partner can help you be in better control
of the impression you are giving to him or her. Nod
your head when your loved one is talking to make them
feel more comfortable and understood. Avoid shaking
your head at your partner until it is your turn to
affectively communicate your disagreement, otherwise
you may be alienating your partner and cause them to
close up to you and not freely express their thoughts.
Your Arms: Crossed or Open
The movements of your arms and hands can inadvertently
tell a lot about how comfortable you are with a particular
person and how much you like them…whether that
is truly how you feel or not. Arm placement during
conversation is particularly important during the
introductory phase of a relationship.
During your first few dates you may be feeling extremely
nervous, but, chances are, you don’t want your
partner to know it. If you are continually fidgeting
with your hands, biting your nails, or picking at things
while interacting on a date, those are telltale signs
that you are nervous or uncomfortable. It can be nerve-wracking
for someone to try and have a conversation with a person
who is obviously nervous and fidgety. Learn to control
your nervous hand movements when on a date and you
will not wear your anxieties about the date on your
sleeve and you will also help to put the other person
more at ease.
Also, whether or not you cross your arms during interaction
gives off a powerful message. Crossed arms symbolize
dissatisfaction or unhappiness. By crossing your arms
you are essentially closing yourself off to the other
person. By opening up your arms you are sending an
inviting, open message to your partner or date. An
inviting posture versus closed off is especially important
during the early stages of a relationship as well.
Your date may feel uncomfortable if you give the impression
that you are in a bad mood or uninterested in opening
up to him or her. So, when you go out on a first or
second date, make sure you avoid crossing your arms.
Body Language Sends Many Message
Of course, these are only a few of dozens, maybe even
hundreds, of mannerisms that can send messages to
other people without having to say anything. There
are facial expressions, movements, shoulder shrugs,
etc…all with their own implications. You can’t
be aware of every little movement you make, but understanding
some of the major non-verbal signals can help you
to be more aware of what your body language is saying
to those you care about. Instead of sending the wrong
message with your body language, you can learn to
further connect with your partner and make them feel
more at ease and connected to you by opening yourself
up and posturing yourself in a warm and inviting
manner.
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