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Connect
by Kim Lance,
associate publisher of Online Dating Magazine
Stay Connected
in Your Long Distance Relationship
Welcome to the first edition of Connect. In
Connect, it
is my goal to provide strategies, tips, and insight
that can help you and your partner further connect
to one
another
through effective communication. As we all know,
building strong relationships requires time, effort
and attention. We get so much happiness and satisfaction
from a good relationship! Because of this, it
is important to work with one another to successfully
express our
thoughts and feelings without having it
backfire or take a bad turn. In order to stay
connected you must communicate effectively. Connect will help you achieve that. The
first topic Connect will
tackle is how to maintain and build togetherness during
a long distance relationship.
Several years back, couples in
long distance relationships had to often limit the time
they were able to spend talking with each other due to
expensive phone bills. Today, with increased cell phone
minute plans, free mobile-to-mobile, and free internet “telephone” services,
it is now easier than ever to stay in touch with your
relationship partner every day. Now, before you mistake
this column for a Cingular or T-Mobile advertisement,
let me explain why these technological advancements are
an important phenomenon in the evolution of long distance
relationship communication. The ability to have long
conversations with your long-distance love, without having
to get a second mortgage on your house, greatly increases
your likelihood of growing together during your time
apart.
Make Time to Talk Every Day
One of the most important steps that couples can take
to protect their relationship during months (sometimes
years) living in different areas is to make it a
point to talk with each other every day. While this
may seem a little excessive, it just might save a
long distance relationship from falling apart. When
a couple lives in the same town, it is much easier
for one partner to understand what is going on in
another partner’s life and for each partner
to effectively communicate their thoughts, feelings,
and dreams to one another. Couples can see each other
often and can spend a lot of personal time together.
This is, of course, not the case with a long distance
relationship. Because long distance relationships
do not have the benefit of close proximity, couples
often have to work even harder at maintaining them.
Picture this: You and your significant other have an
amazing, connected relationship. Then, for various
reasons, you have to spend several months apart in
a long distance relationship. You catch up once or
twice during the week and have some long conversations
every other weekend or so. When you meet up again in
person things just aren’t the same. There is
a void between the two of you that just can’t
be filled. During your time apart, you and your partner
have grown apart. While this is a depressing scenario,
it can be prevented with effective time and attention
put into relationship communication.
The inability to grow together over time is a common
problem that comes up often in long distance relationships.
As you both lead your lives in different cities, with
different friends, and differing day-to-day experiences,
you start to lose your connection that seemed so steady
when you were living your lives together. You eventually
give up on the relationship because you either feel
the other person doesn’t “get” you
anymore or your partner seems like a “different
person” than the one you fell in love with. The
only way to avoid creating such a distance between
you and your partner is to work hard to make yourselves
a part of each other’s life. Talking every day
is one of the best ways to do this.
Share the Little Things In Life
Costly phone bills are no longer an excuse for limited
one-on-one chat time with your sweetheart. While
you may think that your trip to the store or your
frustrating situation at work is not worth the time
explaining to your partner, remember, the little
things in life do matter when you look at how they
can affect and change you over time. You and your
partner need to share not only the large events in
your lives, but also the little experiences that
make up day-to-day life. It is easy to go about your
day without sharing experiences with your
significant other if you live in separate towns,
but this is exactly why making time to talk is necessary.
Prevent a potential communication gap between the
two of you by setting up a time every day where both
of you are available to talk, for at least an hour.
If you both lead very busy lives, make it right before
you go to bed or break it up into 30 minute segments
on your commute to and from work. Just make sure
there is enough time to share highlights of each
other’s day and any other issues that may be
weighing on your mind or that you may be excited
to talk about.
Of course, an hour or more of phone conversation every
day will have to be altered here or there due to strict
time constraints, but, remember, make time for your
partner just as you would have to if you lived together.
Only break the talking every day rule if it is absolutely
necessary. If you can fit in at least an hour of good,
uninterrupted conversation the majority of days and
at least a quick catch up call for those few exceptions,
you are giving your relationship the time and attention
it needs to strengthen and further connect the two
of you emotionally even if you are separated physically.
By talking every day you are far less likely to skip
over the little things in life that can change you
over time.
You will witness the inevitable changes in your partner,
and vice versa, first hand and be a part
of those changes by listening and offering advice to
your loved one on a daily basis. Instead of growing
apart you will fuse together as a daily support system,
sounding board, and friendly listener.
Be There Through "Together Actions"
When you talk, sometimes talk as if both of your
are together at that exact moment. "I'm holding
your hand," "I'm
stroking your hair," "I'm holding you tight".
These are "together actions" that have a strong visual
impact that make it feel like you are together at
that moment.
By keeping up
daily conversations you will further build your excitement
about meeting in person and, when the time finally
comes, you will feel just as connected, if not more
so, than the day you kissed each other goodbye at
the airport. Additional Long Distance Relationship Tips
Here are some more key tips to maintaining a strong
connection with your long distance partner:
» Care packages. The key
here is to surprise your partner with a care package
that he/she isn't expecting. Take
time in selecting gifts they will appreciate. Write
little love notes and hide them in book covers or
amongst other gifts you send. Be creative, thoughtful,
and
original. This will help increase your bond because
by investing time in the care package, you have invested
time in the relationship.
» Letters. The popularity of email has drastically cut
down on the number of hand-written letters people send
through the mail. By taking time to handwrite a letter
to your partner, you are going that extra mile to create
a more personalized experience. And personalized experiences
help build deeper bonds.
» Long Distance Dates. Just
because you're apart, doesn't mean you can't go out
on a "date" with your
partner.
Set up a date, time, and event that you both can
participate in and talk about. For example, maybe
at 7pm on
Friday both of you will watch the movie, "Must
Love Dogs".
Then you can call each other afterwards to share
your thoughts about the movie just like you would
on a normal
date. This can be applied to going to a movie at
the theater too. Because your partner is doing it
also,
you are thinking about each other. And lovingly thinking
about each other strengthens your connection.
By doing active things "together," you
are building memories of togetherness, even though
you're
apart. As a result, when you're finally in each others
arms for real then the strong bond you formed will
be the foundation for
a happy life
together.
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