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A Better You
by Jo Ann
Fore
What's
So Funny?
Positive Use of Humor in Relationships
There
it was again. That smirk – the crooked grin – and
that playful look in his eyes. Can he not be serious
just one time; this is a big deal to me! What is
so funny?
“Honey,” he ventured, “It’s
just that you are so cute when you’re upset
like that.”
My
defenses lowered. I couldn’t
help it. Was it really that big of a deal after
all?
My
husband, Matt, thinks life is funny. I should’ve
expected it. He’s a professional. A professional
funny man that is: He’s an entertainer who
performs comedy magic. (www.mattfore.com). It’s
really difficult for him not to see life as comical
and amusing. But I have grown to appreciate his sense
of humor as it has many times diffused an otherwise
tense situation.
Matt
has taught me that laughter is healthy for a relationship.
A sense of humor and appreciating it with one another
is an expression of a fun, intelligent personality.
“Humor
brings happiness into any relationship as long as it
is used correctly,” shared Matt. “Enjoying
a sense of humor unites a couple and gives them something
to relish together.”
The
Benefits of Laughter
Here’s an indication my husband is having
a good time with a funny life: He is much healthier
than I am. A positive attitude, and humor, in the
midst of a nurturing relationship contributes directly
to good health. Studies have shown that laughter
reduces stress and promotes relaxation.
Helpguide®,
a great website for information on healthy lifestyles,
cites several studies on how humor and laughter
improve our mental and emotional health. They show
us how:
» Laughter
lowers our blood pressure
» Laughter
decreases stress
» Laughter
protects the heart
» Laughter
gives our bodies a good workout
Details
of how humor improves our brain function and relieves
stress can be found here.
Levity
can also be useful between couples to nurture an
intimate bond. At times, you share certain things
that are funny, light-hearted, and are understood
only by the two of you – inside jokes. Matt
loves to utilize these in mixed company. He says
something that appears completely normal and then
I burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Then, everyone thinks I’m the crazy one.
He loves it.
A
Time to Laugh
“Humor in a
relationship doesn’t mean that both individuals
have to be funny,” Matt stressed. “One
could have a dry sense of humor that always makes
the other one smile.”
Humor
can be used as a method of communication. It says:
» I
care about you
» I love you
» I
forgive you
» Will you forgive me
But
too much humor, or humor used at the wrong time,
can be counterproductive.
Humor
should never be used negatively. Your mate doesn’t want to feel
as if you are laughing at him or her. Therefore,
it should never be used as a weapon to put down or
humiliate the other one at any time, and especially
not in front of others. Comments that point out the
faults of others – disguised as jokes – are
not funny. They damage your relationship. While facetious
humor can be fun, if done playfully and without accusation,
insulting sarcasm damages.
For
example, your mate returned home from the dentist
office, and you ask, “Did you have fun?” Your
teasing remark will most likely be met with facetious
humor, “Oh, it was great. I can’t wait
until I get to go next time.”
But
if your mate is out of work, has little education
or formal training, and is feeling pretty low about
the situation – it’s
not a good time to say, “Honey, maybe you could
be a Doctor. That would solve all of our problems!” Ouch.
Yet,
even in the greatest heartache, there’s
room for laughter if used correctly. Humor can promote
unity in a difficult situation. It can be used to position
two people on the same side of the fence, rather than
opposing one another. Humor can be utilized to bring
the two of you together to face a despondent situation
by bringing cheer into it.
Learn
to laugh – it’s
healthy for you! It does a heart good, like medicine.
Jo
Ann Fore welcomes your comments about this article or suggestions
for material you would like to see in future articles.
Email her at: JoAnnFore@msn.com. A
Better You is published every Saturday.
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