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Better You > 36
(Final Column)
A Better You
by Jo Ann
Fore
A
Quiet Mind
Editor's Note: This is the final A Better
You column by Jo Ann Fore. Look for continuing contributions
from her in other areas of Online Dating Magazine in
the future.
"Only
in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted.
Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the
world.”
~
Hans Margolius
For
years, I avoided quiet. The stillness of it intimidated
me. It agitated me.
Quiet
requires something of a person. At the time, I didn’t know what that “something” was,
but I knew enough to know I didn’t have it.
And, my constant state of turmoil convinced me I
didn’t need it anyway.
So,
I avoided it. I filled my quiet with compulsive shopping,
unhealthy relationships, and a demanding career to
keep from being still.
But
living life out loud led to difficulties. Stressed,
financially strapped, and seriously overworked, I
realized I couldn’t keep
going like that.
I
was forced to look inward for some answers. It wasn’t comfortable.
What
if I don’t
like what’s in there? I wondered.
My
heart pounds even now.
I
finally granted myself permission to learn to sit
with the quiet of each day. I wanted answers for
my rash behavior, and I was going to have to be still
to get them. Insight is difficult to discern in the
midst of chaos. I was longing for the very thing
I spent years avoiding: peace and quiet.
I
am impatient, driven, and hard-working. It was difficult
for my brain to justify the time required to be still.
Responsibilities and tasks vied for my attention.
Doubt tried to convince me quiet was overrated, unproductive,
and unnecessary.
How
appropriate that quiet won the silent battle.
Quiet
led me on a journey of revelation. A pain-filled, taxing,
and downright uncomfortable journey at times, yet insightful
and educational. In the calm of quiet, I discovered
answers. I obtained direction.
Also,
quiet taught me that I cannot live without it. It
is a perpetual need. I am faced with challenges on
a regular basis that require me to call on it. And,
to battle for its importance.
Today
I still battle for my right to sit quietly. Seated
on my couch, nestled between several floral, oversized
pillows, I breathe in deeply. No television in the
background; no children playing; the dogs don’t
even dare to bark outside. Nothing but quiet. And me.
The
quiet beckons me, “Break through!”
My
mind resists.
Where
do I go? What do I do? My mind is flooded with 100
things at once.
The
stillness is threatened.
“Calm down,” the quiet assures
me.
“Listen quietly. What presses the hardest
for your attention?” the quiet probes.
Ah…my
teenage daughter – and my empty nest.
“Let’s
go there,” the quiet encourages.
I
spend at least an hour with the quiet. Mentally,
I lay my anguish out on the table. And, then I leave
it there. I stop talking. I listen. In the stillness,
I soon discern what my part is, and what it isn’t. I leave the
quiet refreshed, renewed, and revitalized.
What
a blessing the quiet is to me.
And,
it can be to you. Everyone needs, and deserves, the
opportunity to reflect and regroup. I’ll admit, it isn’t easy – but,
it is necessary.
It
is important to create your own quiet time, preferably
daily – but at a minimum,
weekly. You need to be free from disturbances. Eliminate
the distractions, at least temporarily. Yes, single
parents, adult care-givers, and corporate-ladder climbers,
I do understand what I’m asking. You will have
much more to give once you are refueled from the quiet.
Review
your priorities. What is going on in your life – with
your family, your career, or your friends – that
demands attention? What are your hopes in each of these
situations? Focus on one situation at a time. Free
from distraction, lay out all your concerns about it.
Then, be still and listen. The quiet will speak.
As
Hans Margolius, German philosopher, reminds us, it
is in the quiet mind that we adequately perceive the
true answers.
Jo
Ann Fore welcomes your comments about this article or suggestions
for material you would like to see in future articles.
Email her at: JoAnnFore@msn.com. A
Better You is published every Saturday.
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