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A Better You
by Jo Ann
Fore
Get
to Know Yourself - Compatibility & Self Assessment
Allie is torn.
Does
she marry the man everyone expects her to marry;
or does
she marry Noah – the man she has always
loved and recently reconnected with after many years
apart?
“What do you want?” Noah
asks her.
The audience sits with bated breath watching a scene
from The Notebook (New Line Cinema, 2004). What does
Allie want? What will she decide?
If Allie knows who she is, and what she wants, the
choice is simple.
Compatibility is Crucial
In real
life it’s important to make our relationship
choices based on who we are and what we want. I don’t
mean superficially; I mean we need to make a choice
based on who we are – at the core – as
individuals.
Men
are notorious for falling for women they are initially
attracted to; while women have an uncanny
ability to
become attracted to the men they fall in love with.
Most single men – if they are honest when asked – will
say it’s important to them to find a woman with
a pretty smile, a nice figure, and a sweet personality.
While most women would have to admit they want a man
who is honest and trustworthy, and looks as good in
a pair of jeans as he does in a suit.
But does this selection process leave
us satisfied in 10-15 years? If current divorce
rates are any indication
I would have to say, “No.”
I’ve heard it said, “I would rather want
something I didn’t have than have something I
didn’t want.” Actually, neither is ideal.
If you will base what you want in a mate on who you
are as an individual, it will give you a greater chance
at a harmonious, long-lasting relationship.
Self Assessment
To discover who you really are and
what you want, you have to be willing to ask some tough
questions:
1. What are my life goals?
What gives you a sense of being alive? What inspires
you? What do you want to do with your life? Where
do you want to be in 5 years? In 10 years?
2. What
is my value system?
What principles do you hold as right, or wrong?
How do you feel about abortion, drugs, or homosexuality?
3.
What are my political views?
Are you liberal, conservative, or could care less?
How do you feel about current world issues?
4. What
do I believe in?
Does religion matter to you? Are you Protestant,
Catholic or some other faith?
5. What are my thoughts
about marriage and a life partner?
Is the institution of marriage important to you?
What does it mean to you?
6. What are my views on
finances?
What is your current financial state? What are your
goals? Do you have a workable budget? Do you have
control of your money?
7. What are my lifestyle
habits?
Are you a morning person? Can you stand someone who
is/isn’t? Are you passionate about living in
a particular area – the ocean or the mountains,
and wouldn’t be happy elsewhere?
What You Need
Now, think about your potential relationship partner.
Will they bring you closer to who you are and what
you want; or will they pull you away? Being in harmony
with your mate produces a more successful long-term
relationship.
Michael
Webb, author and authority on romance, maintains
that, “An estimated 83% of divorces would not
take place if couples asked each other the right questions.”
Many
people find themselves unhappy in their relationship.
It’s easy to blame the other person. But the
discord could’ve been avoided if the relationship
was handled correctly at the beginning. Knowing who
are, at the core, allows you to select a more compatible
partner.
If
you know who you are, and what you want – your
choice for a mate will be simple too.
Jo
Ann Fore welcomes your comments about this article or suggestions
for material you would like to see in future articles.
Email her at: JoAnnFore@msn.com. A
Better You is published every Saturday.
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