“Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves,” explains Nathaniel Branden, a psychotherapist and author of many books on the psychology of self-esteem. Branden shares how it’s important to understand that self-esteem is, “What I think of me, not what anyone else thinks of me.” (www.nathanielbranden.com).

Unfortunately, there are many who don’t think very highly of themselves. Battling a sense of low self-worth, most sabotage their efforts to develop a satisfying relationship. An inadequate self-esteem impairs their ability to believe they deserve good things. Often these individuals don’t inherently believe a good relationship is possible.

Yet, the innate longing to connect with someone is still there.

So, the search goes on.

But what happens when we find someone who’s interested? We can’t reciprocate in a healthy manner if don’t believe in ourselves. Afraid that people won’t like us if they knew what we were ‘really like’; we often don a mask. And we begin a dance of deception that wastes time and hurts people.

The Beginning of Low Self-Worth
Commonly, we received messages as a child from our parents, peers, and friends that helped form us into an adult. Unconditional love, respect and praise fostered confidence, while unjust criticism, verbal abuse, neglect or ridicule fostered insecurity.

Yes, there are incidents where individuals come from a healthy home and still develop a low self-esteem. But I believe the majority can be traced to genetic conditioning.

“Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry,” shares Alvin Price, in his book 101 Ways to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem.

Filling the ‘Dry Bucket’
But what if the world has gotten to you and your bucket of self-esteem is dry?

If you want to change – you must consider the possibility of change. You first have to believe that you can be different. You can learn to value yourself. You can learn to be confident and satisfied.

Rethink the things you believe about yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and who God made you to be. You are a unique individual. Go ahead - risk ridicule and say it out loud, “By the grace of God, I am what I am!”

Acknowledge your strengths. Then, admit your weaknesses. But don’t revel in your weaknesses. Find new ways to overcome them – change them.

A healthy self-esteem isn’t a magic wand for the perfect life (or relationship). Bad things will still happen. We will have days we feel good about things and days we feel bad. Yet, in spite of fluctuating feelings, with a healthy self-esteem we learn to press forward. Our confidence isn’t shaken to the core and we aren’t destroyed by everyday occurrences.

A plethora of articles and books on improving our self-esteem is available. I’ve listed some steps that are consistently mentioned in many resources. An individual who suffers with a low self-worth can see quick improvement by following these suggestions: