The first date went well and the evening has come to an end. Now the question being pondered is, “Will there be a second date?”
When preparing for the first date, men and women tend to be focused solely on making a good first impression. As the saying goes, “you never get a second chance to make a good first impression.”
While making a first impression is important, so is knowing how you’ll secure that second date if everything went well. Making it beyond the first date is a sign that “hey, there may be the potential for something here.” It’s not appropriate for men to leave women hanging, nor is it appropriate for women not to express how they thought the date went… to their date.
Here is some helpful advice on improving your chances at getting a second date:
Advice for Men:
1) During the first date, show genuine interest in her. You should be asking her more questions than she asks you. You should listen carefully to what she says and respond with follow-up questions. It’s a common belief that men don’t like to listen. Prove that belief wrong with your date and learn to always be genuinely interested in what other people are saying rather than what you plan on saying next.
2) During the first date, focus on positive topics. In general, you shouldn’t discuss politics, religion, or controversial subjects. You should discuss things she’s interested in and keep everything lighthearted. Save the complaining for your buddies.
3) Compliment her. On the date, be sure to compliment her, but don’t go overboard. More than three comments is too excessive. On an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, one guy was doing great until he told his date no less than 13 times how beautiful she was. That scared her away. Excessive compliments can change someone’s view of you from positive to negative.
4) Be inclusive. If it’s obvious your date and you are having a great time and she mentions an interesting activity (i.e. “One of the funnest things I did was go para-sailing once”) then comment on it like “that sounds like fun – we should do it sometime.” A positive reaction from her to your statement is a sure sign she’s interested in a second date.
5) Don’t leave the woman hanging. If you genuinely enjoyed your first date then tell her at the end of the first date that you’d like to see her again. Contrary to popular male belief, women do not like to be left hanging (that whole “wait two days before contacting her again” foolishness is a turnoff to many women). If the date didn’t go well then don’t tell her “I’ll call you” when you have no intention of doing so. Women prefer for men to be straight up with them. They will respect you more for it.
Advice for Women
1) Relax and be yourself. First dates always make both men and women nervous. Smile, relax, and enjoy yourself.
2) Be interested but don’t interrogate. Firing off one question after another might intimidate him. Give him time to express his thoughts and show him that you are interested by participating in the conversation. In Confessions of a Matchmaker, one woman was always scaring of her dates because she carried around a list of questions with her to determine if her date was right for her. That scared all the men she dated away. If you have either a physical list or mental list of questions to filter out men, leave it at home. This is about getting to know someone, not having him apply for a job.
3) At the end of the date, express how you felt – “you know, I really had a great time.” This gives the guy a clear signal that you would be open to a second date. If you didn’t have a good time, don’t tell him you did!Reading a list of questions on a date may scare him/her off... Click To Tweet
Advice for Men and Women:
1) Turn off your cell phone. It’s annoying when you take calls during a date. Your full attention should be on the other person.
2) Unless you are having a group date, don’t bring someone unexpected (like a friend or relative) along with you.
3) Learn what body language on a first date means.
By following this advice, a second date – and perhaps many more after that – may be just around the corner.
(Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in 2005 and updated in 2015)