Whether it’s you or your partner who decides to end your relationship, it’s not easy to break up. Nobody enjoys breaking up, but sometimes it has to be done. Here are 10 tips on how to break up graciously:
1. Don’t Drag it Out.
When it is over, it’s over. You’re not doing your partner or yourself any favors by delaying the inevitable. Sooner is better than later.
2. Be Honest.
One of the oldest breakup lines in the book is, “it’s you, not me.” The line has been so overused that, even if it’s true, it has become virtually ineffective. The only way you can truly help your partner cope with the breakup is by being completely honest.
3. Don’t Overlap Relationships.
The worst thing you can do is start seeing someone else before you tell your partner that it is over. It not only makes you look bad, but will also plant seeds of doubt in your new partner.
4. Can We be Friends?
Don’t expect to be friends after a break up. Even if you were friends before you became intimate, your friendship likely can never be the same again. Don’t offer this as a way of letting the other person down more gently. To some, it is an insult.
Don’t expect to end the relationship with your partner wanting to leave it at that, especially if it has come out the blue. Your partner will want to ask questions and may even try and talk you into changing your mind. Allow your partner to have his/her say. This will give you the chance to explain in full why you want to end the relationship. Think about how you would feel if you where the one being dumped. You would want to ask questions.
6. Don’t do it in a Public Place.
Even if you no longer like your partner, the worse thing you can do is dump him/her in a public place. It is the ultimate humiliation. The second worse thing you can do is dump someone by text or email. Ideally, you have a face-to-face chat in a secluded area.
7. Write Down How You Feel.
Ending it face to face can be very difficult. If you find it too difficult, then try this respectful alternative… Write a letter explaining why you want to break up. But deliver it in person, and be there to talk with your partner afterwards. However, do keep in mind that in this day of “sharing” your letter may end up on Facebook.
8. Don’t Feel Guilty.
More often than not, when we try to end a relationship we are made to feel guilty by the other, which could cause some to stay in the relationship and resent the other person even more. If you want out, then no matter how much your partner begs (“I’ll change,” “I’ve done so much for you”), stick to your decision before things get worse.
9. Don’t Pick a Fight.
The only reason we pick a fight is to ease the guilt that we bring upon our partner when he/she thinks it is his/her fault. Get straight to the point and don’t make your partner suffer more than necessary.
10. Leave as you would like to be left.
Being dumped is a horrible thing. Try to think about how you would want to be dumped if the tables were turned. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s called the “golden rule” for a reason.
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