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Dating Magazine > Articles > Breaking
Up and Moving On
Why
He Dumped You...
And 12 Ways to Get Back on Track
by
Jennifer Brown Banks
There's
probably not a woman living who hasn’t been left
by some louse she once loved. And usually, without
explanation or proper closure.
Void of needed answers, she questions
herself.
"Was
I pretty enough?"
"Thin
enough?"
"Good
enough?"
Crushed from the experience, she typically becomes
bitter, guarded, less confident, and less trusting
in her next dating encounter. This, ironically, makes
the search for Mr. Right even longer and laced with
disappointment.
What
many sisters would be surprised to discover, is very
seldom are they at fault for a lover’s
exit. Men don’t always make decisions based on
logic or even emotions. As attested to in Men
are From Mars, Women are From Venus, they don’t
think like we do.
In the spirit of enlightenment, I
interviewed some bachelors who have dumped
love interests for reasons as flimsy as cheap lingerie.
Here's What They Said And What You Need to Know:
Richard (age 45) Writer
"She was getting too
close. She actually made me consider giving up my
freedom--- settle down. I got scared so I just stopped calling."
Melvin (38) Salesman
"The timing was off.
I met her when I was on the rebound. She was real
sweet and treated me well. But, when my former
lady decided
to make up with me, I realized I wasn’t over
her, and jumped at the opportunity."
Lamar (29) Musician
"Our religious differences
were just too vast. She was into pleasing God more
than pleasing me."
Ken (50) Educator
"Her public displays of affection
turned me off and made me uncomfortable."
Daryl (59) Arts Activist
"I like variety, I
wanted to sleep around."
Lonny (25) Executive
"I woke up one morning
and my spirit moved me in a different direction."
Breaking
up is hard to do, particularly when it makes no sense,
or comes unexpectedly. But that doesn’t mean
you should go around with a bowed head and broken
spirit!
According to the best-selling book, Smart
Women, Foolish Choices written by Dr. Cowan and
Dr. Kinder, “A
woman must never give a man the power to determine
how she feels about herself. No person should have
that sort of power. Not under any circumstance. And
yet we have seen scores of women left feeling worthless
because a man has rejected them.”
So
if you’re
tired of being in pain and giving up your power,
here's how to get back on track!
1. Love Yourself First
I know it sounds a little
cliché,
but it’s true. Self-esteem serves as a buffer
for the many harsh blows of life and love. If you
see yourself as a loving, beautiful, deserving woman,
ultimately
the mate you attract will share this view as well.
2.
Resist Becoming a "Fatal Attraction"
Breaking
his car windows, burning his clothes, or calling his
job, may appear to even the score, but actually you'll
lose. Namely your dignity, power, and sense of peace.
Exit like a lady. You’ll stay on his mind longer.
3. Realize That Rejection is More About His Issues
and Less About Yours.
What do his past relationships
say about the type of man he is? For example, If you’ve
dated a middle-aged man who’s never been married
before, chances are he may have some commitment phobias.
4. Have Selective Memory
Choose to remember the good
times.
5. Recognize That Healing is a Process and it Takes
Time
For every individual the time for grieving
varies.
6. Seek Support
This is when you need to surround
yourself with friends and positive people. Talk and
take pointers
from those who‘ve “been there”.
7. Get a Life!
Indulge in neglected hobbies that you
once enjoyed before he took up your time. Travel,
pamper yourself, expand your horizons.
8. Lighten Up
Don’t blame or berate
yourself. Try to see the humor in some aspect of your situation.
Keep in mind that it could be worse.
9. Learn The Lesson!
Behind every hurtful event,
there’s
usually a valuable lesson. My last break up taught
me to have fewer expectations, not to settle
for less than I deserve, and never be involved with someone
who doesn’t value what I “uniquely” have
to offer.
10. Hold Onto Christ in Your Crisis!
11.
Remember That "The Best Revenge is a
Good Life"
12. Keep Your Spirits and Your Appearance
Up
Mr.
Right could be right around the corner…
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