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Online Dating Magazine > Articles > Breaking Up and Moving On

Why He Dumped You...
And 12 Ways to Get Back on Track

by Jennifer Brown Banks


There's probably not a woman living who hasn’t been left by some louse she once loved. And usually, without explanation or proper closure.

Void of needed answers, she questions herself.

"Was I pretty enough?"

"Thin enough?"

"Good enough?"

Crushed from the experience, she typically becomes bitter, guarded, less confident, and less trusting in her next dating encounter. This, ironically, makes the search for Mr. Right even longer and laced with disappointment.

What many sisters would be surprised to discover, is very seldom are they at fault for a lover’s exit. Men don’t always make decisions based on logic or even emotions. As attested to in Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, they don’t think like we do.

In the spirit of enlightenment, I interviewed some bachelors who have dumped love interests for reasons as flimsy as cheap lingerie.

Here's What They Said And What You Need to Know:

Richard (age 45) Writer
"She was getting too close. She actually made me consider giving up my freedom--- settle down. I got scared so I just stopped calling."

Melvin (38) Salesman
"The timing was off. I met her when I was on the rebound. She was real sweet and treated me well. But, when my former lady decided to make up with me, I realized I wasn’t over her, and jumped at the opportunity."

Lamar (29) Musician
"Our religious differences were just too vast. She was into pleasing God more than pleasing me."

Ken (50) Educator
"Her public displays of affection turned me off and made me uncomfortable."

Daryl (59) Arts Activist
"I like variety, I wanted to sleep around."

Lonny (25) Executive
"I woke up one morning and my spirit moved me in a different direction."

Breaking up is hard to do, particularly when it makes no sense, or comes unexpectedly. But that doesn’t mean you should go around with a bowed head and broken spirit!

According to the best-selling book, Smart Women, Foolish Choices written by Dr. Cowan and Dr. Kinder, “A woman must never give a man the power to determine how she feels about herself. No person should have that sort of power. Not under any circumstance. And yet we have seen scores of women left feeling worthless because a man has rejected them.”

So if you’re tired of being in pain and giving up your power,
here's how to get back on track!

1. Love Yourself First
I know it sounds a little cliché, but it’s true. Self-esteem serves as a buffer for the many harsh blows of life and love. If you see yourself as a loving, beautiful, deserving woman, ultimately the mate you attract will share this view as well.

2. Resist Becoming a "Fatal Attraction"
Breaking his car windows, burning his clothes, or calling his job, may appear to even the score, but actually you'll lose. Namely your dignity, power, and sense of peace. Exit like a lady. You’ll stay on his mind longer.

3. Realize That Rejection is More About His Issues and Less About Yours.
What do his past relationships say about the type of man he is? For example, If you’ve dated a middle-aged man who’s never been married before, chances are he may have some commitment phobias.

4. Have Selective Memory
Choose to remember the good times.

5. Recognize That Healing is a Process and it Takes Time
For every individual the time for grieving varies.

6. Seek Support
This is when you need to surround yourself with friends and positive people. Talk and take pointers from those who‘ve “been there”.

7. Get a Life!
Indulge in neglected hobbies that you once enjoyed before he took up your time. Travel, pamper yourself, expand your horizons.

8. Lighten Up
Don’t blame or berate yourself. Try to see the humor in some aspect of your situation. Keep in mind that it could be worse.

9. Learn The Lesson!
Behind every hurtful event, there’s usually a valuable lesson. My last break up taught me to have fewer expectations, not to settle for less than I deserve, and never be involved with someone who doesn’t value what I “uniquely” have to offer.

10. Hold Onto Christ in Your Crisis!

11. Remember That "The Best Revenge is a Good Life"

12. Keep Your Spirits and Your Appearance Up

Mr. Right could be right around the corner…

> - The best approach to find the one. <

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