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Advice Column
When Do I Tell the Person
I'm Dating that I have HSV-1 or HSV-2?
Reader
1: I am dating for the first time since contracting
hsv1 & hsv2.
Should I tell my dates even before I kiss them?
Can it be transmitted by snuggling? What is a
good way to handle this? Any advice would be
great.
Reader
2: is an HSV-1 infection on the genitals considered
an STD; aren't STDs usually considered to be related
to sexual intercourse as opposed to oral sex? Also
is a person who is infected with HSV-1 genitally
obligated to discuss this with sexual partners in
the same way those with type 2 are? If so, then why
doesn't the same standard of disclosure apply to
people with oral HSV-1? Especially, since it is obvious
they can and do spread the same virus so easily.
I've never heard of a person with cold sores being
counseled to inform dates about their virus.
~
Need HSV Answers
Dear Need HSV Answers,
For those reading this who don't know about HSV-1 and HSV-2 (also known as
Genital Herpes), here's a quick overview, courtesy of the CDC:
"Genital
herpes is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused
by the herpes simplex viruses type 1 (HSV-1) and
type 2 (HSV-2). Most genital herpes is caused by
HSV-2. Most individuals have no or only minimal signs
or symptoms from HSV-1 or HSV-2 infection. When signs
do occur, they typically appear as one or more blisters
on or around the genitals or rectum. The blisters break,
leaving tender ulcers (sores) that may take two to
four weeks to heal the first time they occur. Typically,
another outbreak can appear weeks or months after the
first, but it almost always is less severe and shorter
than the first outbreak. Although the infection can
stay in the body indefinitely, the number of outbreaks
tends to decrease over a period of years...
HSV-1
and HSV-2 can be found in and released from the sores
that the viruses cause, but they also are released
between outbreaks from skin that does not appear
to be broken or to have a sore. Generally, a person
can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact
with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission
can occur from an infected partner who does not have
a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected.
HSV-1 can cause genital herpes, but it more commonly
causes infections of the mouth and lips, so-called "fever
blisters." HSV-1 infection of the genitals can
be caused by oral-genital or genital-genital contact
with a person who has HSV-1 infection. Genital HSV-1
outbreaks recur less regularly than genital HSV-2 outbreaks."
For more information, read our HSV-1
and HSV-2 section.
To
reader 2: Because many STDs can be transmitted as
a result of oral sex, those transmitted by such are
equally considered STDs. Unfortunately, many people
make the mistake of thinking that they can't catch
an STD via oral sex, but you can and it happens more
than people probably realize. People with oral HSV-1
also need to tell their partner, since it can be
transmitted by kissing, even (at times) without a visible
sore.
To
reader 1: Great question! Interestingly enough, the
majority of adults have oral herpes (and many don't
even know it). It is estimated that somewhere between
50% to 80% of the adult population have the disease
and many even contract it as babies when kissed by
someone who has it. It's nothing to be "ashamed" of.
It is important that you tell a date about your oral
herpes before entering the kissing stage of your relationship.
It's important that you not let herpes define you,
but rather manage the condition and realize that millions
of people are successfully managing herpes, dating,
marrying, etc.
Telling
a love interest about your situation may seem like
a major stress, but becomes a "load off of your
shoulders" once it is done. Many people are shocked
at how supporting their partners are when being told.
Just be honest and upfront. Most people will want to
be comforting and supportive in such a situation because
of the stress it causes you in "talking" about
it.
By the way, there's no evidence that
it can be transmitted by snuggling, so snuggle
away!
If, at anytime, you feel you need questions answered
or support in telling a partner, feel free to call
the National Herpes Hotline at (919) 361-8488.
If you have a question for the STD Advice column, simply put your question in the anonymous form below and click Submit. Once you click Submit, your question will be anonymously emailed to us. While we can't answer or publish all questions, we do try to questions within a one week period of submission. Check back to see if yours is answered.
Only a physician can properly diagnose whether or
not you have an STD. Thus it is important that you
get an STD test done if you have a concern. None of the
advice given in this column is a substitute for physician
advice.
If you think you may have a sexually transmitted
disease, you should see a physician immediately to
be properly diagnosed and treated. You should not try
to diagnose or treat symptoms on your own.
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